


Reason #4536 Keith shouldn't be allowed a phone

by WolfetteTheDemon



Series: The Alpha and Omega's fluff pile [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha Lance (Voltron), Alpha Lotor, Alpha Rolo, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Aromantic Pidge, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Delta Pidge, F/M, Fluff, Gamma Allura, Gamma Hunk, Gay Keith (Voltron), M/M, Omega Keith (Voltron), Omega Matt, Recreational Drug Use, That's a great summary for this fic, The first chapter talks about weed piss, a lot of it, alpha shiro, by Keith, established relationship(s) - Freeform, non-binary Pidge, omega shay, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfetteTheDemon/pseuds/WolfetteTheDemon
Summary: PidgeBitch: YOU SMOKE????Keith: noKeith: I eat.ALance: whatKeith: Nom nom motherfucker.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I like text fics. You liked BAY?. 
> 
> Here is the child.
> 
> Also you don't HAVE to read the previous instalment of this but like... Backstory bitches.

**[Enter Groupchat Name]**

**[Add People To 'LanceIs#1']**

**[ALance** has added **Keith** , **PidgeBitch** , **ShaydyAF,** and **HunkyAF** to **LanceIs#1]**

**ALance:** Did you guys know the maned wolf's piss smells like weed?

**PidgeBitch:** its 4am Lance what the fuck

**ALance:** Pidge. Child. Why the ever loving fuck are you awake at this hour?

**PidgeBitch:** why the ever loving fuck are you talking about weed piss?

**ALance:** Touché.

**ALance:** Nah but I was googling what weed smelled like and one website led to another and here we are

**PidgeBitch:** why were you looking up what weed smells like?

**ALance:** My brother is staying at home for the week

**PidgeBitch:** the one who went off to college or the one who started a band?

**ALance:** College boi.

**PidgeBitch:** he on drugs

**Keith:** What the fuck.

**ALance:** KEITH! LOVE OF MY LIFE! MOON TO MY STARS! MILK TO MY CEREAL!

**Keith:** ???

**Keith:** I'm lactose intolerant???

**ALance:** Boi I seen you chugging those milkshakes when we go out

**Keith:** Just because I'm lactose intolerant doesn't mean I care

**ALance:** kEITH NO

**PidgeBitch:** and we say Lance is the stupid one.

**Keith:** Yeah, I mean you're dating me. How do you not know what weed smells like?

**PidgeBitch:** YOU SMOKE????

**Keith:** no

**Keith:** I eat.

**ALance:** what

**Keith:** Nom nom motherfucker.

**ALance:** Oh my gods my boyfriend is a stoner.

**Keith:** Oh shut up you didn't complain when you ate the weed brownies.

**ALance:** what

**Keith:** Well would you look at the time! We've gotta be up early for school tomorrow hahaha

**[Keith** has disconnected **]**

**PidgeBitch:** but its saturday

**ALance:** Oh he is SO dead

**PidgeBitch:** as if youd kill him

**ALance:** I wouldn't.

**ALance:** But Shiro would.

**PidgeBitch:** lol ill ask matt to film it

**ShaydyAF:** IF YOU KEEP TALKING KEITH WON'T BE THE ONLY ONE GETTING HIS ASS BEAT

**ShaydyAF:** GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP YOU ABSOLUTE PENCAPS BEFORE I COME TO EACH OF YOUR HOUSES AND FUCKING DISMEMBER YOUR FINGERS

**ALance:** lol we made Shay mad.

**ALance:** Shay?

**ALance:** I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory.

* * *

 

**[LanceIs#1]**

**HunkyAF:** uh, hey guys!

**HunkyAF:** So I was reading over last nights conversation and well, Keith. I'd like to speak with you

**Keith:** Ooooh someone's in trouble~

**PidgeBitch:** its you?????

**ALance** **:** He's high right now

**ShaydyAF:** He is SO high right now.

**Keith:** Guys, I'm like, only 5'7''

**ALance:** Oh my gods why do I love you

**Keith:** <3

**ALance:** DIOS MÍO

**PidgeBitch:** Screenshotted.

**ALance:** Bless.

**HunkyAF:** _Keith._

**Keith:** what'd you want???

**HunkyAF:** Where'd you get it?

**ShaydyAF:** Wait.

**Keith:** you want some?

**HunkyAF:** Only do dispose of it.

**PidgeBitch:** He totally wants some

**ShaydyAF:** Oh my gods

**Keith:** so like,  _legally_ , I can't tell you but I can give it to ya

**ShaydyAF:** Legally youre not meant to have it

**HunkyAF:** ....Where do you live?

**ALance:** HUNK

**ALance:** I BELIEVED IN YOU

**Keith:** So like, I don't have any of the raw stuff but I could give you some cookies with it

**PidgeBitch:** lol what is happening?

**HunkyAF:** That's chill.

**ShaydyAF:** HUNK!

**ALance:** Keith. Sweetie, Honey, please tell me you're not dealing drugs to our friends.

**Keith:** Chill babe. I'm just helping a brother out

**PidgeBitch:** who is this Keith and why are we only just finding out about him now

**ALance:** Keith I swear to the gods if I come over to your place and I smell weed lord help me

**Keith:** You don't even know what weed smells like

**HunkyAF:** (He's got a point bro)

**Keith:** Also I only take it to chill out the surpressants 

**PidgeBitch:** I thought you stopped taking them?

**ALance:** He did but ended up suffering with withdrawal symptoms after going cold turkey so...

**ShaydyAF:** oh rip

**Keith:** Baaaaaabe I'm lonely :(

**Keith:** :O You should come over!!!!

**Keith:** We can talk... and sleep... and eat... and talk

**PidgeBitch:** ew go shut your boyfriend up

**HunkyAF:** Didn't Keith's heat just end?

**ALance:** Yeah, his apartment is OFF LIMITS

**ALance:** Anyone who actually thinks of going there is dead. Dead. Dead.

**Keith:** Baaaaaaaaaaaaaabe~! I need you :(

**ALance:** Shiro would have my head on a dinner plate if I went

**HunkyAF:** Does Shiro know you guys are even dating yet?

**Keith:** Neither do Matt or Allura!

**PidgeBitch:** da fuck is allura?

**ALance:** Scary Lady O_O

**ShaydyAF:** Speaking of you two dating. Where the fuck is my money Keith?

**ALance:** Excuse me?

**Keith:** I'll get it to you on monday. Lemme chill

**ALance:** EXCUSE ME????

**PidgeBitch:** did yall bet on something without telling me?

**PidgeBitch:** rude.

**ShaydyAF:** We bet that within a month of me finding out that Keith liked you that I'd get you two together. And whoops here we are

**HunkyAF:** But you didn't get them together?

**ShaydyAF:** Semantics. (Lemme get the money babe)

**ALance:** Keith bet against us?

**PidgeBitch:** tbf hed been crushing in you for like, seven years at that point

**ALance:** Okay. Fair.


	2. Chapter 2

**[RoloOnTheRiver** has added  **ElectricLotor** and  **Keith** to  **Keith Is Our SON]**

 **Keith:** Excuse me?

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** We adopted you. You're our son now

 **Keith:** WHAT?

 **ElectricLotor:** Shhh. It's okay. We're your dads now

 **Keith:** I'd rather one of my parental figures wasn't a guy who I once saw eat an entire stick of butter

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** YOU DARED ME TO!

 **Keith:** NO I DIDN'T. 

 **Keith:** YOU SAID 'HEY KEITH WATCH ME EAT THIS' THEN I WAS LIKE 'YOU SHOULDN'T EAT THAT' BUT THEN YOU ATE IT ANYWAY

 **Keith:** AND THEN YOU THREW UP ON SHIRO

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** heh, good times

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** At least when my first crush got a girlfriend I didn't eat a gallon of ice cream and then had to be rushed to the hospital

 **Keith:** At least we figured out I was lactose intolerant from that

 **Keith:** Also, why are you guys adopting me??? The fuck???

 **ElectricLotor:** Because we can

 **Keith:** Actually I don't think you can

 **Keith:** Also do you really wanna adopt a guy who eats weed every weekend?

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** Shhh child.

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** I'M THE ONE WHO GIVES IT TO YOU!!!!!!

 **ElectricLotor:** What?

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** Hahaha kidding sweetheart~

 **RoloOnTheRiver:** please don't kill me

* * *

 

**[LanceIs#1]**

**Keith:** Is it legal for my other friends to adopt me?

 **PidgeBitch:** lol what other friends?

 **ALance:** Pidge! That's so rude!

 **ALance:** But seriously what other friends?

 **Keith:** Rolo and Lotor

 **Keith:** LANCE YOU'VE MET ROLO

 **ALance:** I have?

 **Keith:** Yeah, at Nyma's party

 **Keith:** You honestly looked like you were about to punch him at first

 **ALance:** Nope, don't remember, didn't happen

 **Keith:** that isn't how it works babe

 **PidgeBitch:** can't believe that out of all of us KEITH is the one with the most friends

 **ALance:** you know he's friends with your brother, right?

 **PidgeBitch:** only cause he practically lives there

 **Keith:** He does live here. He moved in awhile ago

 **PidgeBitch:** wHAT

 **PidgeBitch:** wELL HE'S NOT TOLD US

 **PidgeBitch:** 1 SECOND

 **HunkyAF:** What's happening?

 **PidgeBitch:** hOLY SHIT ALL HIS STUFF IS GONE

 **HunkyAF:** lANGUAGE

 **PidgeBitch:** fUCK OFF

* * *

 

 **[ALance** >  **Keith]**

 **ALance:** Hey just a gentle reminder that you're the best Omega that I've ever known and you always will be and I care for you so much  <3

 **Keith:** What did you do

 **ALance:** Hey! Can't I just be sweet and compassionate towards my boyfriend????

 **Keith:** no.

 **ALance:** Wow okay. Rude

 **Keith:** What's this about?

 **ALance:** Well uhh...

 **ALance:** Recently I read somewhere that Omega's get mildly depressed after they've had a heat without an Alpha there with them so I just

 **ALance:** yeah

 **ALance:** ...

 **ALance:** Keith?

 **Keith:** Sorry I just kinda forgot how cute you were for a minute

 **Keith:** Like that fact is absolute bullshit but omgs Lance

 **Keith:** That's so fucking adorable

 **Keith:** I love you

 **ALance:** i...

 **Keith:** ?

 **ALance:** Nothing. I love you too  <3

* * *

 

 **[ALance** >  **HunkyAF]**

 **ALance:** KEITH JUST SAID HE LOVES ME FOR THE FIRST TIME HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

 **HunkyAF:** TODAY IS A BLESSED DAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN UPDATED SO MUCH EARLIER BUT THEN VOLTRON PULLED THAT TWITTER SHIT ON US AND I SPENT 28 HOURS CLICKING REFRESH ON THEIR TWITTER PAGE JUST WAITING.
> 
> HAPPY PRIDE Y'ALL!


	3. Chapter 3

**[Keith** >  **ALance]**

 **Keith:** k babe hear me out here

 **Keith:** so u know how sum ppl have freckles???? n it makes it look liek they have constellations on their skin?

 **Keith:** Wat if its like... real? like the areas on their face that look like constellations are made from the atomms of explodeded stars that made up them constellations????

 **ALance:** Babe I love you but what the fuck?

 **Keith:** PEOPLE HAVE STAR SKIN LANCE. STAR SKIN

 **ALance:** how high are you?

 **Keith:** Uh, I'm on the third floor?

 **ALance:** I'm telling Shiro

 **Keith:** lol no ur not

 **ALance:** Why?

 **Keith:** Because u loooooove me  <3

 **Keith:** An you haven't spoke to him since we started datin

 **ALance:** Shit you're right

 **Keith:** U know, Shiro's working late tonight and Matt is working things out wit his family....

 **ALance:** What are you implying?

 **Keith:** Get your butt over here and watch Disney with me!!!!

 **ALance:** You want me, to come over to your apartment while you're high, and watch Disney with you?

 **Keith:** Yeah?

 **ALance:** I'll be twenty minutes 

* * *

 

**[LanceIs#1]**

**PidgeBitch:** lance

 **PidgeBitch:** lANCE

 **PidgeBitch:** LANCE

 **ShaydyAF:** Whoa calm down there

 **ShaydyAF:** What do you need Lance for?

 **PidgeBitch:** I need help with my Spanish hw

 **PidgeBitch:** LANCE GET YOUR ASS ON THIS GC RIGHT NOW I STG

 **ALance:** Shhh, I'm trying to watch some classic Disney!

 **ALance:** Also Keith fell asleep on me half-way through the lion king

 **ALance:**   **[** Image attached **]**

 **ShaydyAF:** Fuck that's adorable

 **PidgeBitch:** I COULD CARE LESS THAT KEITH FELL ASLEEP ON YOU

 **PidgeBitch:** I NEED THE ANSWERS FOR THE SPANISH HOMEWORK YOU MALDITA PERRA!!!!!!

 **ALance:**  Que te jodan, pequeño gremlin.

 **PidgeBitch:** THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?

 **PidgeBitch:** okay but like what actually did you say to me I dont know Spanish 

 **HunkyAF:** He called you a gremlin

 **PidgeBitch:** oh

 **PidgeBitch:** okay yeah

 **ALance:** I'll give you the answers at lunch tomorrow. Rn I'm trying to enjoy my boyfriend

 **ShaydyAF:** That doesn't sound right

 **HunkyAF:** Shay why ;-;

 **Keith:** What the fuck is happening?

 **ALance:** When did you wake up?????

 **Keith:** You're right next to me why are you texting me????

 **ALance:** Why are you texting me???

 **Keith:** Fair point

 **PidgeBitch:** lance pls give me the answers now and I will give you 1 cheeto

 **ALance:** No

 **PidgeBitch:** 2 cheeto?

 **ALance:** Hmmm okay

 **ShaydyAF:** Are you serious?

* * *

 

 **[Shirt**  > **Keith]**

 **Shirt:** Okay first of all why the fuck does the apartment smell like weed 

 **Keith:** How do you know what weed smells like?

 **Shirt:** Keith. I am dating Matt Holt. How would I not know how weed smells like?

 **Keith:** Well then it's probably Matt's stash or smth idk

 **Shirt:** Alright I'll believe you

 **Keith:** What was the other thing?

 **Shirt:** ???

 **Shirt:** Oh, right.

 **Shirt:** Why the fuck did you invite that alpha over?

 **Keith:** I don't know what you're talking about.

 **Shirt:** I can smell him

 **Keith:** He's not here Shiro

 **Shirt:** I bet if I come in your room he'll be there

 **Keith:** You can come check but he isn't

 **Shirt:** I literally just heard you whisper 'get under the bed'

 **Shirt:** Keith! You can't just invite Lance over after your heat! Do you know how irresponsible that is? After what he did to you?

 **Keith:** Ugh can't you just let that go? It was a bunch of misunderstandings that all just piled up together okay?

 **Shirt:** Keith, you were in  _pain_

 **Keith:** He didn't fucking know! Just

 **Keith:** Just let it go. Okay?

 **Keith:** He's got to get home soon anyway. I just wanted to spend a couple hours with my boyfriend, is that so wrong?

 **Shirt:** When you put it like that, no

 **Keith:** Great. Then there's no problem.

 **Shirt:** Keith...

 **Keith:** Nope. Not listening. Turning my phone off.

 **Shirt:** Keith I swear to the Gods....

 **Shirt:** You turned it off didn't you?

 **Shirt:** Ughhhh why are teenagers so difficult!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT TRAILER. DESTROYED. ME.  
> ALSO???? A D&D EPISODE???? LANCE IS A FURRY (I mean like, I knew but I didn't know the writers knew)????? MY SON RETURNS BACK TO THE TEAM???? HUNK GETS A CHARACTER ARC????????


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all know that this fic is just one big shitpost with a shimmer of actual plot/feelings

**[Keith** >  **ALance]**

 **Keith:** I'm not high this time I swear

 **ALance:** If that's how you start off a conversation then it can't be going anywhere good

 **Keith:** Hush, I just woke up from a nap so shut up

 **Keith:** So everyone sees colours differently but we all learn to call them the same names. Like your green could be my orange. Yeah?

 **ALance:** ...Sure.

 **Keith:** WHAT IF WE ALL HAVE THE SAME FAVOURITE COLOUR BUT WE ALL LEARNED TO CALL IT A DIFFERENT NAME

 **Keith:** LIKE IF SOMEONE SAID THEIR FAVOURITE COLOUR WAS PINK AND SOMEONE ELSE SAID THEIR FAVOURITE COLOUR WAS YELLOW BUT THEY WERE THE SAME. COLOUR.

 **ALance:** ...

 **ALance:** Holy shit.

 **Keith:** RIGHT?????

 **ALance:** So like, my favourite colour is blue, and yours is red, but we both actually see it as the same colour?

 **Keith:** YES!!!!

 **ALance:** I think I need to lie down here

 **Keith:** Cool. I'm gonna go re-evaluate my life and eat a tub of vanilla ice cream while watching b99

 **ALance:** TAKE YO MEDS

 **Keith:** MAKE ME BITCH

 **[Keith** has gone offline **]**

 **ALance:** YOU BITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The colour thing was an actual text I sent to a friend (My crush) and I honestly don't know why they put up with me at this point.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like hell because I have a ton of ideas for the fics I'm already writing but then stuff like this pops into my head and if I don't write it I forget about it and I stg I've lost so many fictional ideas that way.


End file.
